Going

Wow!  I haven't even been to two of my three classes and God has already been opening my eyes to a LOT.  I feel challenged.  However, I think it is more than challenged.  I think its more that I am growing and learning and desiring to change as I learn.  I feel compelled to change a lot about my perspectives, my attitudes, my words, and my actions.  All of this is not an all of the sudden this week brick dropped on the head awakening but more so a culmination of many experiences and many words from God over the last several years and especially the last several months.  I think I'm finally listening to something God has been trying to teach me for years.

So what is this?  What is it that I'm learning?  What is it about my life that I feel compelled to change?  Well the problem is I'm still sorting that out; I'm still learning.  I'm hoping that this will not be a post full of rambling thoughts but rather that it will help me to put together my thoughts at this point.

First, I need to speak up!  I need to speak about Jesus and who He is and the fact that my life is different because He is in it.  What is the best thing that has ever happened to me?  Meeting Jesus.  If it really is the best thing that has ever happened to me then why am I not telling others about it?  Last summer, I began a beach evangelism track at PCB Centrifuge.  I loved it.  I asked for an opportunity to continue doing it this summer for the entire summer.  Thankfully I blessed to do that.  It challenged me more than I realized but more than that now that I'm home I realized that God was showing me that it is more the lifestyle that He desires for me to have and its not all that hard.  This summer I spent 8 weeks teaching 7-12 students how to go to complete strangers, have a conversation, and talk to them about Jesus.  This summer I shared with them gospel presentations to share with others as they prepared to go into the world and tell the world about Jesus.  Each week I also challenged myself to go out and talk to people too.  Eight weeks.  Eight weeks of attempts to share the Gospel and more than once a week.  We went to the beach two days in a row for 2 hours!  So many opportunities.  Now that I'm home, I haven't shared once.  Wow!  I need to speak up!  I need to share.  I need to be bold and courageous.

As I have realized my need to speak up, I have seen how my heart for the lost is changing.  I am currently reading a book for my evangelism class (one of the two that I haven't even been too - yes I know surprising I'm reading ahead!) called Comeback Churches by Ed Stetzer and Mike Dodson.  This book is sharing research on what it takes to change a church in decline to a growing church.  Part of this discuss a need for strategic prayer and caring for the community (caring for those that don't know Jesus).  While reading this, it has hit me how much God has answered my prayer from three years ago.  Three years ago as I was preparing for, working, and finishing working at M-Fuge Kingston Canada I prayed that God would give me a heart for the lost.  That I would begin to see people how He sees them.  That I would care for those around me that don't know Jesus and care enough to do something about it.  That summer, God answered that prayer a lot because He showed me how many opportunities I have daily (even while living in Hong Kong) to share the Gospel and I don't.  I took groups of students each week that summer to the YMCA that met at St. Matthew's Church.  It was a YMCA that met at a church with a picture of the Lord's Supper on one wall and a cross on the other but we were not allowed to say the name of Jesus.  We were not allowed to share our faith with the students.  It stung.  It was difficult. I wanted to scream about how unfair it was to stop us when we were meeting in a church.  Then I stopped and realized how frustrated I was about being told no and how I am not told no where I live but yet I still don't say anything.  God opened my eyes that summer but He hasn't stopped.


I think this has been best illustrated with my house.  The fact that my house hasn't sold yet concerns me.  The fact that I look at a bank account that is constantly getting smaller and nothing coming in bothers me.  I want a job, I desire a job, I'm worried about not getting enough hours in.  All so that I can financially afford all those things that are currently in my name.  However, during it all, I have this peace.  I know that God has my house in His hands.  I know that it will sell when it needs to sell.  As much as I've been worried about a job while here at Southeastern, is how little I've worried about my house.  It's in His hands and that all I need to know for now.  I still want it to sell.  I'm still doing what I can to help with the process but I know that it's in His hands.  This has been a huge difference for me.  To realize that I have not had an ulcer yet...incredible! :)  I'm growing.  I'm learning.

I see how my life is changing and my thoughts are changing and I don't think that I am making that clear in this post.  I know that God is working in my life.  I know that I want to live for Him.  I know that I want to change my life so that in words and deeds I am reflecting Him and telling about His glorious plan of salvation for each of us.

Finally, I know that going is right for me.  I've not questioned my calling to career missions since answering that call last year but with each passing day I am more aware of how right it is for me to be devoting my life to preparation for a life spent overseas sharing the gospel.  During the orientation, Dr. Akin, addressed the new students at Southeastern and told us that we would be challenged in many ways.  He also said that we would be asked many times one question, "Why should you stay?"  With billions of people in this world and hundreds of thousands that have never heard the name of Jesus, why should you stay in America?  What is it that God wants you to do?  I heard the question and immediately knew that I shouldn't stay.  God is calling me somewhere else.  So in the last few days as I've been reading through Acts, I have seen and read a lot but I've mostly realized that I want to live my life by the verse "Here am I. Send me!" (Isaiah 6:8)  I want to change my life so that each day I wake up and say to God "Here am I. Send me!"  I want to go where He calls and I want to share His love with the nations boldly even here while I'm at Southeastern.

And yes, I still pray for and desire to go to Cambodia.  It's always on my heart.