Processing

Today I'm processing.  I'm processing who I am, what I'm learning, why I'm here, what I believe, etc.  Most of this post will probably seem like ramblings as I process through many things while I type.  Sorry.

Since starting classes a month ago, I've been challenged in many ways that I didn't expect.  I have learned so much more than I could have imagined and I have been convicted of many things in the process.  The biggest surprise for me has been Old Testament.  I love this class.  Each day I'm challenged in my thinking and it takes about an hour after class for me to process what was said during class, to begin to grasp the ideas put forth in class.  It amazes me.  This class is building in me a desire to know the Scriptures and I mean to really know them.  To study them like I never have before.  To commit them to memory.  And in many ways it is also building a desire to learn Hebrew and Greek to more fully understand the Word of God as it was written.  I'm not sure if I'll actually change majors and take Hebrew and Greek but I am considering it. 

I have been overwhelmed with the evidence just in the first five books of the Bible (the Pentateuch) that the Old Testament is testifying of a coming Messiah from the tribe of Judah.  That the Old Testament is theological I don't think I would have argued against before starting this class but I wouldn't really have had an argument either way.  Now I'm seeing how the Pentateuch is pointing to a Messiah.  Wow!  I want to know more about the Old Testament and I want to know more about the New Testament and how together God uses them to teach, to grow, and to speak to his children.  I want to learn more about God and more from God.  But I feel in so many ways that I just don't know where to start or how to do this.  I'm hoping in the next few weeks to find a church that I will call home while I'm here and that in this church I will find a place in a group or with a mentor in which I can really learn how to study the Bible but in the mean time I'm hoping to just do the best with what I know how to do.  To read.  To listen to God.  I want to know more.  I want to fall more deeply in love with God. 

Along with this, I want my love for God to overflow in all my life.  I want to share with many others who Jesus is to me and what he has done for them.  I want to be more vocal in sharing.  I have to share weekly for my Evangelism class but its still a struggle for me and I want it to me more of who I am then something I have to do for class. 

In all of this, I am also seeing more and more how much I sin each and every day.  To see how many times I fail God.  I am so selfish and can be rude and mean and judgmental all the time.  I am so thankful for Jesus.  Without Him, I would be so lost.  Lost in my sin and without hope.  I am thankful for Jesus.