FBC Watkinsville

Today was only the second time I have been to FBC Watkinsville since camp. It is only the fifth time that I have been altogether but it felt like going home. It's a different feeling that I have when going to FBC Blairsville. That is my home church still and I have a very distinct feeling of home and comfort there. Watkinsville though was more of a feeling about being back in God's presence. I felt refreshed by just being there. I was able to sit with people I know from my Sunday School class and feel a part of the service and not a visitor.

God is amazing. I loved being there and worshiping. Right before the sermon, a young lady sang a song that I can only assume the title is "Who am I". Interestingly enough a question I have considered lately. This summer at camp I wasn't necessarily considering who I was more than "What do you want my life to look like? How do you want me to follow you?" But since being home and going through post-camp depression as well as a very busy personal life with my parents move and more recently with my grandmother's hospitalization I have asked "Who am I?"

Last weekend, I began to look at a study on the twelve apostles by Dr. Fred Lodge. After reading the opening, I was asking myself this question "Who am I?" And as I considered this question and prayed to God, I came to the conclusion that I am a child of God.

So today while listening, the sermon had a very real meaning to me. Carlos Sibley, the pastor at FBC Watkinsville, was sharing many thoughts on who we are. This is some of the things I picked up on.

I am CREATED. Creating something means you put thought into. You care about it. It is not without purpose that it is done.

I am created IN THE IMAGE OF GOD. No other part of creation is created in the image of God. We are set apart in this characteristic. So much so that God repeats this in the account of creation in Genesis 1. This also brings a responsibility. A responsibility of bearing the image of God well by pointing others to HIM.

I am DEEPLY LOVED. God LOVES me. Even though I am like a speck of dirt in comparison to the universe and all of God's creation. He LOVES me. He knows my name and knows my thoughts and desires and frustrations and irritations. He knows what I love and what I don't. Not only does he know me but he loves me. He knows my faults and still loves me! How incredible is that. How undeserving I am of this love but it is truth. God loves me so much that HE died for me. What am amazing God!

I am created with a PURPOSE. My birth was not by accident. I am not a mistake and I am here for a reason. I desire to fulfill that purpose in using my life to give God glory. I fail miserably and often but this is a desire of my heart and my purpose in life.

Then at the end, Carlos shared this verse.

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. Romans 7:15.

First my mouth dropped open. This verse sums up all of my thoughts for the last two weeks.

Then Carlos says, "We are created in the image of God. We are deeply loved and we have a purpose to communicate to all who God is. This verse shares our problem. So what went wrong? What went wrong?"

Then he says a short prayer. Basically repeats himself, asks us to stand up, and says "You're dismissed."

Such a powerful conclusion. It leads to questions and a desire to search and to know what went wrong. But also a frustration. This is what I have been considering, thinking, praying about, searching for answers about, and when it is brought up it is left to hang there for a week. Hopefully, just a week.

Well that was church. Then I went to Sunday School. I am so happy to finally have a Sunday School class again! It has been ages since I have felt a part of a Sunday School and have had a desire to go. It is for young adult singles either in grad school or are young professionals. It is not a part of the college ministry but instead its own! I love it. We meet at Jittery Joe's in Watkinsville in their conference room. Today we had to bring in more chairs as we were packed! We had 19 people there.

Brett is now leading this group (a change since I was last there). Today the topic was on prayer. We shared a lot about our prayers lives and how they have changed over time as we have learned more about God. We discussed many parts of prayer and I sat and listened. I was challenged by it mostly because this is an area of weakness for me. This summer, God taught me a lot about prayer and He spoke to me in very direct ways while praying. But since camp, I have not set aside the time like I did at camp. This frustrates me and angers me but it is true. I am not self-disciplined and fall away so easily when I don't have a schedule hanging around my neck that gives specific times for Bible Study and where there are opportunities to spend an hour or more in prayer. When I do not have a set prayer partner in my town with me. When I am not surrounded by others focusing on God and communicating who He is with others all day every day. I fail. I fail miserably without those things around me.

My prayer, my desire is for God to refine me. To use me and teach me and mold me so that I am continually communicating his love to others. That I am leaning on Him and His understandings. That I am doing His will and not mine.

Well the day doesn't end there. I went out to eat with some people from Sunday School. Came home about 3. Slept. Did school work and then again looked at the study of the twelve apostles.

I am no on the study of Philip. I have looked at Simon Peter, Andrew, James and John. Andrew continues to be one that stands out to me. Although, I recognize a lot of myself in Peter as far as trusting Jesus wholeheartedly and then turning around and denying him. I desire to be like Andrew or I think I might be somewhat like Andrew. A quiet leader that shares who Jesus is with those he meets. He is personable. He knows the people around him. This part is not me. I am not very observant. Andrew is the one that lead Peter to Jesus. Just as there are quiet people in history that have lead the well known scholars to Jesus, that was Andrew. I want to be that person that share Jesus' love with others and in a quiet way through relationship building.

Then today I read about Philip. A very cautious man. He calculated situations and looked at many things in a practical way, forgetting about Jesus and His power. I do that so many times. I look at the practical side of things. I consider if things are logical or nor before proceeding and forget to look to God. Forget to consider God and His power.

My hope remains in knowing that God refined each of the apostles. He used their personalities to His glory. They each lived a life glorifying God. On them, God laid out his plan to let the nations know of Jesus Christ. God did not have a plan B and knew that these twelve even with their faults would be the ones to spread His word. Through them Christianity spread. Amazing! Humbling. Refreshing.

God can do the same in my life. He can refine me and mold me into a person that communicates with others who He is. God I pray that you continue to work in my life. That you continue to mold me and teach me. God even when the lessons are tough and I fall back on my own understanding. God I praise you for not giving up on me! Amen